| | An Open Letter the Single “Twenty-Something” | |

It’s late.

You’ve been crying.

Another night of singleness has passed you by, and after seeing one engagement and two weddings on your social media feeds (all in the span of a few hours), you’re feeling pretty darn broken.

Your eyes are swollen.

Your nose is puffy.

And your heart is frustrated, confused, doubtful, and sad . . . very sad.

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Unfortunately, this happens a lot.

You doubt God’s provision, so you vow to handle the situation yourself.

You ruin everything, then you feel defeated.

Now what?

Well, you cry it out, of course.

You cry until your face is blotchy and your eyes are swollen.

You grow angry with your own faithlessness in God’s provision.

And you feel alone, hopeless, and quite frankly, a little bit crushed.

That’s the cycle, and boy is it a vicious one.

But, unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there.

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You now begin to question your worth.

You question God’s dependability (stupid, right?).

And you especially like to question yourself—am I too shy? too loud? too smart? not smart enough? funny? too much? too little? too me?

Well, great.

Now, look what you did.

You’re now pondering every mistake you’ve ever made and highlighting every weakness that you battle. You’ve successfully pulverized your confidence and lost sight of your worth . . . all in the span of a few minutes.

Quite frankly, you just played the enemy’s game

. . . and lost big time.

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Can I give you one word of advice, though?

Don’t play the game.

Ever.

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Sound familiar?

Maybe you’ve struggled in singleness, too.

Maybe you’ve partaken in your fair share of mini cry-seshs and frustrated pity parties just like I have (even though I feel so embarrassed admitting it).

Maybe you’ve had to fight the tendency to micro-manage, and then macro-ruin, your own shortsighted plans (yep, guilty of this one as well #great).

Maybe you’ve had to ambivalently scroll past six weddings, four engagement announcements, and ten anniversary posts, too (this is always a great time #not).

Maybe, on a deeper level, you’ve fallen prey to society’s shallow perception of fulfillment, feeling slightly swindled in the process.

Maybe . . . just maybe . . . you’ve played the enemy’s game.

And maybe at this point, you’re just tired of losing.

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Friends,  you know what?

I think it’s time that we replace our self-pity with selfless service—our fairytale aspirations for ferocious adoration.

Honestly?

It’s time that we regard singleness as the gift that it is.

Wait? Did I just go there?

Oh, yeah. I did.

Singleness IS a gift. (It might not always feel that way, but it is. Trust me.)

It is a time in which we, as Christians, can undistractedly devote ourselves to the people around us, the people we have yet to meet, and most importantly, to Jesus Christ Himself.

It is a time in which we can unashamedly give it all to Him.

A time in which we can more easily “show up” for those who need us.

A time in which ministry can become our top priority.

A time in which we can fully embrace what it means to rest in Jesus, trusting in His perfect plan for each and every one of us.

(Not to mention, single girls don’t ever have to share their food, so I mean that’s kinda a win, right?)

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Jokes aside, being single isn’t always easy.

I’ll be real with you.

The other night, another one of my friends got engaged . . . and I lost it.

I cried.

I grew envious.

I got frustrated.

And I questioned God.

Then, I slept it off.

And, I woke up to the glorious rays of a morning sunrise and the refreshingly abundant mercies of Jesus Christ (Lam. 3:22-23).

I was quickly reminded of the words that have been plastered on my letter board for nearly two years now:

“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord” (Ps. 27:14). 

This is my life verse.

This is my deepest hope and most difficult challenge.

This.

This is God’s call to wait.

It’s beautiful yet frustrating—-growth-filled yet challenging.

It’s never easy, but always worth it.

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Singleness is a time in which we can grow in love, in patience (everyone’s favorite, right), and most importantly, into the likeness of Christ.

It is a time in which we are forced to break—to recognize our absolute dependence upon God and to follow Him in full abandon.

It is a time in which Christ becomes our all—no distractions—just Him.

And because of this, singleness is a gift.

Now, please don’t shrug off this letter as “just another shallow attempt to make me less miserable as a single.”

Seriously, I’ve been there (still there now, actually). I’ve thought those same exact thoughts, as I read through similar posts. I’m not trying to sugar coat; I’m just trying to encourage you.

Singleness often comes with struggles, but it is truly beautiful.

Embrace it. Enjoy it.

And praise God in it.

With love,

Delaney.